Hope, faith and glitter

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Helen Keller

There come many times in our lives where our character is tested. We reach a fork in the road, windows and doors are closing all around us, our journey changes, sometimes by choice, but many times without our consent, and certainly without us being prepared for such changes. We are hoping to see new doors opening and arrows or signs pointing us where to go, maps as to which path to take and a surety that the correct decisions are being made. However, many times all we can ask for is peace in our deicsions, hope in the confusion and light to guide the way, slow as it may be at times.

There have been many moments in my life as I am sure all of you have just thought of countless moments in your own lives that fit such a description. Especially over the last couple of years, where I have found doors slamming shut infront of me or large windows opening that I must go through that I wasn't prepared for...this time however, has brought with it a great test of character, a great test of who I am and what I am truly made of. Many doors and windows that I knew I must travel through, creating a new path that I wasn't ready for like my sweet Preslie, I soon realized, after only the first few steps that it was 100 times more a blessing then a struggle and that even on the hard days I would be eternally grateful for this journey for the path that now lights my way even through my darkest moments. Preslie was one of the first moments that I realized I was stronger then I ever gave myself credit for. In her I find such peace, strength, the glitter that turns everything beautiful.

It's only been lately, over the last couple of months that my faith has been low, and although each moment I spend with Preslie, with pure goodness and beauty, are perfect moments. Its all those times in between that have been dark, dreary and have brought a fear into my heart that I wasn't ready for.

As many of you know, our finances have been nothing short of a disaster for the last couple of years and even though we've closed our company, been laid off, had days and weeks of no work there was always a silver lining. Its only been in our latest challenges, our latest days of waiting and continuing to tread through this limbo without drowning, that fear has overcome hope. 7 months of preparing and hoping for our future, for a new life for our family came to a screeching hult a little over a month ago and the future held more uncertainty then it did hope or options. We've been waiting for our dreams to come true since the beginning of the year without the hopeful view through any new opening windows or doors. Many days as I am treading through the uncertain waters, I am only hoping to survive. The best of myself pushed aside and my will to simply make it through that day has taken over. I have become a cranky mom, a horrible friend and a less then wonderful wife. Yet a small number of my closest friends have been my beakon, bringing me back to port, offering help in the days my head is sinking...it is those friends, the phone calls, emails and hope they lend me that have been slowly bringing me back to life. Our future is still uncertain, but I can look to the lights around me, the friends that love me and know me, the family that is there to catch me when I fall, my children to lend a hand and lately a tissue to wipe the tears and my sweet Preslie, the glitter that makes everything beautiful again.The prayer that even though I may not understand, I will find peace in each day, strength to make it through and the will to find the best of myself once again. I hold onto all of those things and no matter what happens in the days and weeks to come, it will all work out and somehow we'll all be ok.

In the midst of our struggles, our sweet P has over come challenges of her own...although she cannot crawl yet, her determination to to get where she needed and wanted to go prevailed!