Throughout our story, called life, most of us have detailed visions in our mind of exactly what we want- desires, ambitions, and the things we think would make us most happy. However, how often do the things we want really coincide with the things we need?! Occasionally some of us stop fighting our destiny, fighting the things that get handed to us every day for our greater good, embrace them, learn from them and even love them – realizing the thing we wanted least, is often times the things we need most. We view the difficult, scary, unknown things in our life as dark moments, moments of despair and we fight it with everything we’ve got, not realizing that those things are sometimes the love and mercy of God, leading us from the good things we had, to the BEST things we deserve.
Not in a million years had I played out the frightening, numbing moments that occurred in the early morning hours of September 8th, only a few hours after a frightening unknown was placed in my life, placed into my arms – with the face of an angel that we named Preslie. Never did I ask to be given her, given a child that would have special needs and require me to change, to be brave and strong, to fight and pray daily, never did I ask for a challenge that would require me to rise to, above anything I thought I was even capable of. But that day, that day 4 years ago – I certainly wasn’t handed something I thought I wanted, or thought I could handle, instead I was blessed with something I had needed all my life. Little did I know that I needed to rise, to become better, to become whole in ways I never thought possible. Little did I know how much this one little girl with blue eyes and the sweetest smile would change me and the world around her.
There have been many moments since that day 4 years ago that I have questioned my abilities, questioned my strength, questioned my courage .There have been many moments of quiet tears, utter despair, overwhelming fear, and complete exhaustion, - I have watched this little girl sleep many nights, hoping that as the morning sun lit her sweet face, that she would once again open her eyes and have enough strength to pull through one more day. I have rocked her tired, sick body back and forth hoping God knew how much we need her. I have watched her overcome, fight, strive and triumph. I have willed my tired mind and heart to just make it through one more day, hoping I was enough for this sweet spirit, enough for this special circumstance. Preslie has always been ‘enough’…she is perfect in the many ways I often fall short. She has led me to the edge of fear and given me the wings to take that leap of faith, full of hope, willing to believe – believe in something grander, and greater than us all. She has lifted me when I felt I couldn’t rise any higher, she has brightened the darkest of days and loneliest of moments. She has calmed my troubled heart and filled my frightened soul with joy and peace. She is the embodiment of all that is good and pure in this world. She is the definition of love, real, unconditional, pure love. She is what we all should strive to be – perfect and beautiful inside – out. She has changed the way I view the world, she has made it more beautiful. She has changed the things I pray for, made those things the things that matter. She has changed the way I love, pure and unconditional. She has changed me over the last 4 years in ways I could have never imagined. She was and is what I need and I thank God every day He loved me enough to trust me with what I needed exactly when I needed it.
Happy Happy Birthday my beautiful sweet angel.